Thursday, 26 January 2012

You Know You're Australian When ...

This was originally posted on Facebook and is another one I wish I'd written.

--MG

You know you're Australian when ...

  • You believe that stubbies can either be drunk or worn. 
  • You've made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden. 
  • You understand that the phrase 'a group of women wearing black thongs' refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds. 
  • You pronounce Melbourne as 'Mel-bin'. 
  • You believe the 'l' in the word 'Australia' is optional. 
  • You can translate: 'Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas'. 
  • You call your best friend 'a total bastard' but someone you really, truly despise is just 'a bit of a bastard'. 
  • You think 'Woolloomooloo' is a perfectly reasonable name for a place. 
  • You're secretly proud of our killer wildlife. 
  • You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that's twice as big as its $2 coin. 
  • You understand that 'Wagga Wagga' can be abbreviated to 'Wagga' but 'Woy Woy' can't be called 'Woy'. 
  • You believe that cooked down axle grease makes a good breakfast spread - you've squeezed it through Vita Wheats to make little Vegemite worms. 
  • You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis. 
  • Beetroot with your hamburger... of course! 
  • You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the Angels' song 'Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again' And 'Living Next Door to Alice'. 
  • You wear ugg boots outside the house. 
  • You believe that every important discovery in the world was made by an Australian but then sold off for a pittance. 
  • You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you like them. 
  • Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in every Asian language. 
  • You understand that 'excuse me' can sound rude, While 'scuse me' is always polite. 
  • You know what it's like to swallow a fly, on occasion via your nose. 
  • You know it's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle and a seat belt buckle becomes a pretty good branding iron. 
  • Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules for beach cricket. 
  • You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call 'Anzac Cookies'. 
  • You still think of Kylie as 'that girl off Neighbours'. 
  • When working in a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer. 
  • You know how to abbreviate every word, all of which usually end in "o": arvo, combo, garbo, kero, lezzo, metho, milko, muso, rego, servo, smoko, speedo, righto, goodo etc... 
  • You know that there is a universal place called 'Woop Woop' located in the middle of nowhere, no matter where you actually are!
  • You know that none of us actually drink Fosters beer, because it tastes like *pee*. 
  • You sleep with Aeroguard on in the summer and don't mind it as a perfume. 
  • You've only ever used the words - tops, ripper, sick, mad, sweet, to mean "good" and when you place 'bloody' in front of it when you really mean it. 
  • You know that the barbecue is a political arena. 
  • You say 'no worries' quite often, whether you realise it or not. 
  • You understand what no wucking furries means. 
  • You've drank your tea/coffee/milo through a Tim Tam. 
  • You own a Bond's chesty - in several different colours. 
  • You know that some people pronounce Australia like "Straya" and that's ok. 
  • And you will immediately forward this list to other Australians, here and overseas, realising that only they will understand.

Wednesday, 25 January 2012